Bungie must be stopped.
On Friday, the Destiny 2 developer announced via Twitter that it’s now taking pre-orders for a new plush from the universe of Destiny 2. But unlike the surprisingly adorable Fallen Hatchling plush from 2021, or even the Ghost plush the studio sells, the latest squishy friend to hit the Bungie store is an absolute nightmare.
This is the Screeb, now made out of polyester instead of zombified flesh:
This toy is an abomination (not to be confused with Abominations, a different, equally upsetting enemy type in Destiny), it’s alarming to behold, and looks very soft. It’s also $30.
For those unfamiliar with Screebs, allow me to catch you up to speed. First added in the 2018 Forsaken expansion, Screebs are enemies that belong to the mutated/undead subfamily of Fallen called the Scorn. The in-game versions have many arms (just like the plush), creepy udders (also just like the plush), and explode whenever they get too close to you (hopefully nothing like the plush).
These creeps are the absolute worst, are great at ruining flawless runs, and love to crawl around in dark corridors so they can blow you and themselves to smithereens. They’re like Creepers from Minecraft if Creepers were also spiders.
But, apparently, when you take one of those nasty freaks and turn it into a plush, it’s almost obnoxiously cute to behold; even if it does look like a tiny airbag, or Randy dressed in his puffy coat from A Christmas Story.
Still, of the enemies the Bungie merch team could turn into a cuddly friend for you to potentially give to a small child, they sure managed to pick one of the most upsetting ones. Here’s hoping The Witness — the series’ big bad that’s a conglomeration of souls from a long-dead race, represented by billowing face-smoke that trails behind it, and looks vaguely like Megamind — isn’t next in line for the plush treatment.